Days like today

It's not been a good day for this mama. I woke up on the wrong side of the bed or something. I have felt off since my feet hit the floor this morning. I hate days like this. They throw me off and I can't even stand myself when I'm like this.

I've been dealing with some tummy issues for quite some time now. I'm not entirely sure what's going on. The proper thing to do would be to make an appointment with my doctor. I know this. I tell myself every day that this will be the day that I make an appointment. Yet, here I am, months into this and I still haven't seen my doctor. I hate, hate, hate going to the doctor. I know that's no excuse, but it's just how it is with me. However, I am tired of being miserable 80% of the day. If I'm not nauseous, I'm hurting. It's not an excruciating pain or anything. More like an uncomfortable, crampy feeling. I have no clue what is going on with my body. Ugh.

This month is almost over and I can't be more excited. I'm so done with Iraq and this deployment. It feels like James has been gone an eternity. It's the same for him. He emailed me the other night and said this has been the longest deployment for him. He's beyond ready to get home to us. He already put in for his leave and I'm so excited at the thought of having him all to us for 30 days. I am hoping we're able to do some fun stuff as a family and maybe do a little traveling or something. I don't think that we'll be going home to visit, though. Ah well. My main reason for wanting to head east for a visit is to see my brother, his wife, and their baby girl. She is due to be born at the tail end of March or very early April. I hate the thought of not meeting her until she's well over 6 months old. Maybe we can work something out...we'll see. They are in NC, though, so if we were to make the trip, we wouldn't be able to see any of our loved ones near our hometown.

I've been a huge slacker with working out this week. I skipped Monday and today. But I worked my butt off when I went Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. I haven't been terrible with my eating this week either. So I'll chalk it up as an off week and get back with it on Monday. I'm not going to beat myself up over skipping 2 days, ya know? I have lost 22 pounds since April 2008. I'm feeling great and I'm, finally, seeing the results myself. For awhile, everyone was seeing it and I wasn't. Now that I am seeing it myself, I'm quite excited. I still have a ways to go, but I'm getting there.

We won't talk about the ice cream that is waiting for me in the freezer, though. Nope, not gonna talk about that at all. ;)

A decade of love

Today makes ten years that James and I have been married. A decade of love. <3 Sometimes it feels like it was only yesterday that we were so young and in love. Now, well, we're just older and so much more in love. *wink* I look back on the past ten years and I am so proud of where we are today. James and I have been through a lot. We've had our fair share of ups and downs. That's how it is with all couples, though, right? What is important is how you deal with the downs. We've always worked together and made it through whatever life has thrown our way.

Having James in my life is one of the things that I am most thankful for. Having him be the one to hold my hand in this crazy world is something that I love. I can't imagine going through this life with anyone else. I met him when I was getting ready to turn 17 years old. I was just a kid really. So was he. What did we know about love, right? Well, I can tell you that we both knew what we had going was meant to be. It was right and it was to last forever. We were doubted by so many people around us. Even our closest friends! I don't think anyone had faith in our relationship. Except for us. Well, we showed them! Our relationship is one of the healthiest, strongest relationships that I've come across.

I miss him terribly and I wish that he could be here with me to celebrate this big day. It's the first anniversary he's missed and it sucks that it had to be such a big one, ya know? But he'll be home before I know it and we have lots of things to make up for. :) So here's to another decade of love with the most amazing man that I know!

Random babbling

Sometimes I sit and think back to my days as a teenager. I was surrounded by my close friends. Always on the go. There always seemed to be something that I just had to be doing, ya know? I wasn't happy unless I was on the go, go, go. I look at myself now and I'm so far from that end of the spectrum. Most days I'm content to just lounge around the house, doing nothing at all. Well, that's what I used to be like. These days, I long for friendships. I long to be out of this house, doing fun things, making memories. I need to put myself out there more often. Make more friends. Not only for me, but for Shelby. She's such a little social butterfly. It isn't right to keep her cooped up. Gotta let her spread those wings. :)

I'm so ready for this deployment to be over and behind us. It feels as if the last month or so has just been dragging. I swear he should be home by now. I can't even begin to explain how much he is missed. Even though most of our evenings are spent at home, doing nothing of importance...that is just us and I miss those quiet evenings more than you could know. Him sitting in his little video game chair, lost in his Call of Duty game. Me on the computer, doing random internet stuffs. Shelby playing or in bed sound asleep. I miss that so much. *sigh* Not too much longer now.

I wish I would have listened to my mom when she told me to savor every moment of every day. That before I knew it, I would blink and years would have passed. That's exactly how life feels to me these days. Shelby has turned into this big girl and I don't know when that happened. I certainly didn't give her my permission! *laughs* It's hard to believe that she is going to start kindergarten this year. Kindergarten?! Seriously? I don't remember giving her permission for that one either! Before we know it, we'll be handing her car keys and helping her to buy a prom dress. My God. They don't stay little forever, that's for sure. And as heartbreaking as it is, it's also so very rewarding. Watching her grow into this fabulous, intelligent, independent little person, it's amazing! And I just love knowing that I have so much to do with who she is and what she knows. Being able to stay at home with her the past five years has been one of the greatest things I've ever had the pleasure of doing. I wouldn't trade it for all of the money in the world!

I am full of these thoughts tonight. My mind is overflowing. I get like that sometimes and it's nice to have a little outlet to just put it all out there....

Gonna give this a shot

Well, I'm already part of an online journal community, have been for years. But I've recently found that I read quite a few blogs here on blogger.com, so why not give it a shot? Right. We'll see how much I keep up with it.

I suppose I will start with the basics. I'm Tonja, nice to meet ya. I blow out the candles on January 30th...turning 28 this year. Wow, climbing that 30 mountain quick! I've been married since I was 18 years old. My husband, James, is an amazing man. He's a loving husband and father. I couldn't ask for anyone better to hold my hand in this crazy world. We have a beautiful five year old daughter, Shelby. Five...wow. Time sure does fly, I tell ya! James is in the Marine Corps and has been since early 2005. He's currently on his 3rd deployment to Iraq and we're counting down the days 'til he's home with us. Not too much longer now!

Hmm, let's see...I was born in Huntington, WV. Moved back and forth from there to southern Ohio for awhile. Now I'm living in sunny, southern California. Quite the change, I know. But this is where James was stationed, so this is where we are for awhile. We've been here since late 2005. I've made a few close friends out here, but could really get out more and make some more friends. Gets pretty lonely at times. And it doesn't help that 2 of those friends are moving very soon. :( It also doesn't help that I'm a bit of a shy person. That's something I need to work on this year.

Well, my demon spawn...er, I mean beautiful daughter...is calling my name. I must end this!

~Tonja~